When I was younger, my grandma used to watch all of the soap operas all day long. Guiding light, General Hospital, The Young and The Restless (this last one I am referencing me, not the soap).
I think spending all day at home with the fruits and veggies has made me stir crazy. I picture what their lives must be like, being cooped up in the cold fridge all day. I can just imagine the drama.
For example, nice guy spinach has always loved his red pepper from afar:
S: Well hello there sweet thang, Orange you cute today! You’re Berry sexy and I think we’d make a great Pear
RP: OMG, I am so done with your pick up Limes
S: Oh baby, Lettuce just talk. Kiwi be friends?
RP: Listen jerk, just Beet it
S: I can’t help myself, I’ve Bean thinking about you for a while. Where did your Mango?
RP: You just wait, he’ll be here soon. You know he’s kind of a big Dill around here.
S: Bitch Peas. I’m not afraid of him
RP: You finally going to grow a Pear and fight him for me?
Pickle boyfriend arrives: You want a peas of me?
S: Listen man, I’m gonna get Jalapeno business
Pickle: No you listen. My momma did a Grape job Raisin me. I ain’t no fighter. Lettuce Romaine calm ok?
S: Fine. I don’t need this. I’m out. <Looks at the sweet pepper and makes a gesture with his hands> Kale me later?
Then I think about, what if Gaston and I were produce:
G: Babe, you’re such a Peach. I love you.
M: Love you too babe. You’re one in a Melon!
G: Olive you so much it hurts.
G: Olive you from my head Tomatoes. Let’s run away and get married!!
M: Oh no! I Cantaloupe, my Pearents would kill me!
G: My love, I don’t Carrot all what they think!
M: I’m so Grapeful to have you in my life. Lime yours forever!
G: YES! Lettuce celebrate! DJ, Turnip the Beet!!!
And then I think I have too much time on my hands.
So I have some good news, some great news, some bad news, then some potentially empty promises.
The good news is that the G unit is taking some much deserved, solo time off – out of the country and away from the craziness.
The great news is, that means our 30 day intended cleanse is NOW OVER!!!!! <does maniacal happy dance>. He’s like, “Well you can still do it while I’m away babe”. I’m like, “Mmmmk. Good idea babe. I’m going to buy some sharp bamboo sticks that I can shove under my fingernails while your gone too”
The bad news is that the daily account of my shake struggles ends here. (Whaaa Whaaaa)
That was funny…
Hope the cleanse was worth it…I felt your pain and agree…yuk.
It was definitely… NOT… worth it. Blech!!